How long, O Lord?At first its hard for me to admit just how much I can relate to these words that David wrote. I guess that I am eager to forget the constant ebb and flow that exists in my "feelings" towards God. This is probably because I would like to think of myself as a much more stable and mature Christian than I really am (I hope to be like the one James talks about someday).
Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long...
Raelyn and I have been working through one of the most difficult seasons of our lives thus far. Its called fundraising! Before we can begin our ministry at Kent State we must raise our budget. So we go around and ask people to be a part of our team by providing us with monthly financial support. It seems fairly simple and straightforward doesn't it? Of course God has had much more in store for us than we anticipated (funny how He teaches us lessons in unexpected places).
During this time I was expecting God to teach us things like patience, and having greater faith regarding finances. However, some much harder lessons have been introduced...things like how prideful I am, my jealousy, loneliness, past hurts, foolish thinking, and others that I am still painfully discovering. I know those words are so quickly read over, it happens in just a glance, but each one has attached to it several personal short-stories.
Its because of those stories that I am consistently cycling through the full spectrum of emotions.
But I find great joy! It seems that each story has the exact same ending...me being amazed at His deep love for me. As Father, He has so gently corrected me with such undeserved grace (it makes me weep as I type). He has spoken so kindly to my heart in those very dark moments. He has redeemed my most ignorant of decisions. Praise to the God that calls sinners just!!!
I understand how David could write what he did at the beginning of this psalm. The good thing is that I can also relate to how he chose to end it.
But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me.
(Psalm 13)
